"TDCT" EDITING ANNOTATION
Here is editing work from a student sample body paragraph. My annotations (discussion points and suggestions) are provided in italics.
ANNOTATED REVISION FOR THE “TDCT” ESSAY
1. It is true that social media has negatively affected our ability to concentrate.
Always look for ways to get rid of “to be” verbs (is, are, am, was, were) and the pronoun “it.” In formal writing, refrain from informal, first and second person (I, my, me, myself, we, us, our, ourselves, you, your, yourself, etc.).
Truly, social media has negatively affected people’s ability to concentrate.
Truly, social media negatively affects people’s ability to concentrate.
2. The internet, as Maryanne Wolf explains, is a medium that “puts efficiency and immediacy above all else” influence its users to think in the same manner.
Provide any information about your sources that would enhance their credibility. Establishing the credence of a source certainly enhances your credibility. Even if you disagree with a credible source, provide that person’s background or credentials. If you –- by virtue of your brilliant argument –- can take down a credible source, you will definitely enhance your credibility. Also, be sure to quote correctly and provide page numbers when provided.
Maryanne Wolf, a developmental psychologist at Tufts University, explains that the internet “puts ‘efficiency’ and ‘immediacy’ above all else” and influences users to think in the same manner (qtd. in Carr 219).
Notice the single tick-mark quotes around two words inside this quote. If you check your copy of the article, you will see that those words are the only parts of this quote that truly belong to Wolf. The rest of the quote is Carr. Notice also that I have used the “quoted in” structure because I did not read Wolf in Wolf. I read Wolf in Carr. Paper trails are important.
Carr relies on author Maryanne Wolf, a developmental psychologist at Tufts University, to explain that the internet focuses on "efficiency" and "immediacy" and influences users to think in the same manner (219).
In the above sample, notice that I took I reduced what is quoted to just what Wolf actually wrote/said. I paraphrased what Carr wrote. I don't need to refer to Carr or Wolf in the parenthesis because that information has been front loaded. Usually, essayists should provide information prior to the quote so readers are not confused all the way up to the parenthesis.
3. Not only students, but people that use social media in general, according to the University College London, “perform a skimming activity.”
According to the University College London, all social media users, not just college students, perform a “skimming activity” when reading (qtd. in Carr 217).
The correction shows that the quote was misrepresented. Always copy quotes correctly. The sentences also sounded a little bit like the essayist does not consider “students” part of the group called “people,” which is odd.
4. Often times, readers zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski” without reading more in detail.
Often times, readers zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski,” without reading more in detail (216).
People often zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski,” unable to absorb crucial details (216).
When possible, refrain from using the word “reader.” The sentence lacked a page number for the quote. Also the repetition of the words “readers” and “reading” makes the essayist seem juvenile. Elevating the diction (word choice) in that part of this sentence makes the essayist sound more professional and grown up. Notice that I added a comma to set the final phrase aside. And notice that the comma is inside the quotation mark. And even though I don’t usually want to use the word “it,” in this instance, using “it” gives the sentence some personality.
5. The fact that the entire medium’s style comprised of shortened articles, capsule summaries, and easy to brows headlines, sadly, only reinforces this behavior.
First of all, the word “browse” is misspelled. Your spell checker will not catch misspelled words if the misspelling results in another word. Have someone else read over your paper, to help you catch these little errors. The use of the word “sadly” adds opinion. Judgment language should show up gently throughout your work, without becoming ridiculous. Some of the words come from the article, but authors don’t own general terminology. The essayist did not quote an author, he/she used the same terminology. It also doesn’t appear as if these words were coined by an author, so I wouldn’t expect quotation marks. I do expect a page number for this paraphrase.
The fact that the entire medium’s style is comprised of abridged articles, capsule summaries, and easily browsed headlines, sadly, only reinforces this behavior (219).
In the sample below, I added dashes to set aside the terminology that came from page 219. Doing so adds clarity and emphasizes the terms that were borrowed from the piece.
In fact, the structure of the medium—shortened articles, capsule summaries, and easily browsed headlines—sadly, only reinforces this behavior (219).
I thought that more needed to be added to that last comment, so when I reread that section from page 219, I brought Tom Bodkin into the paragraph. Notice I provide his credentials, which gives him credibility.
As a matter of fact, when the design director of The New York Times, Tom Bodkin, led the charge for this exact type of change, he wanted to save people from the “less efficient” process of having to read an entire article (qtd. in Carr 219).
Next, you will find the original paragraph and the revision. Read them both again to get a feel for how the flow has been improved.
Also, note that there are quite a number of quotes from various places in the Carr article and the paragraph is nearly devoid of reflection and analysis from the essayist. Therefore, please understand that I am not recommending this paragraph; I am simply giving you a sample of editing. Writers should provide their own voice to the discussion.
Notice also the length of the paragraphs. The first one is way too short. It almost reads like a set of bullet points. The revision is also short because I did not add reflection and analysis. If a quote is significant enough for you to pull it from a source to use in your paper, you must surely have something to say about it. If not, you have probably pulled the wrong quote.
It is true that social media has negatively affected our ability to concentrate. The internet, as Maryanne Wolf explains, is a medium that “puts efficiency and immediacy above all else” influence its users to think in the same manner. Not only students, but people that use social media in general, according to the University College London, “perform a skimming activity.” Often times, readers zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski” without reading more in detail. The fact that the entire medium’s style comprised of shortened articles, capsule summaries, and easy to brows headlines, sadly, only reinforces this behavior.
Truly, social media negatively affects people’s ability to concentrate. Carr relies on author Maryanne Wolf, a developmental psychologist at Tufts University, to explain that the internet “puts ‘efficiency’ and ‘immediacy’ above all else” and influences users to think in the same manner (219). According to the University College London, all social media users, not just college students, perform a “skimming activity” when reading (qtd. in Carr 217). People often zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski,” unable to absorb crucial details (216). In fact, the structure of the medium—shortened articles, capsule summaries, and easily browsed headlines—sadly, only reinforces this behavior. As a matter of fact, when the design director of The New York Times, Tom Bodkin, led the charge for this exact type of change, he wanted to save people from the “less efficient” process of having to read an entire article (qtd. in Carr 219).
ANNOTATED REVISION FOR THE “TDCT” ESSAY
1. It is true that social media has negatively affected our ability to concentrate.
Always look for ways to get rid of “to be” verbs (is, are, am, was, were) and the pronoun “it.” In formal writing, refrain from informal, first and second person (I, my, me, myself, we, us, our, ourselves, you, your, yourself, etc.).
Truly, social media has negatively affected people’s ability to concentrate.
Truly, social media negatively affects people’s ability to concentrate.
2. The internet, as Maryanne Wolf explains, is a medium that “puts efficiency and immediacy above all else” influence its users to think in the same manner.
Provide any information about your sources that would enhance their credibility. Establishing the credence of a source certainly enhances your credibility. Even if you disagree with a credible source, provide that person’s background or credentials. If you –- by virtue of your brilliant argument –- can take down a credible source, you will definitely enhance your credibility. Also, be sure to quote correctly and provide page numbers when provided.
Maryanne Wolf, a developmental psychologist at Tufts University, explains that the internet “puts ‘efficiency’ and ‘immediacy’ above all else” and influences users to think in the same manner (qtd. in Carr 219).
Notice the single tick-mark quotes around two words inside this quote. If you check your copy of the article, you will see that those words are the only parts of this quote that truly belong to Wolf. The rest of the quote is Carr. Notice also that I have used the “quoted in” structure because I did not read Wolf in Wolf. I read Wolf in Carr. Paper trails are important.
Carr relies on author Maryanne Wolf, a developmental psychologist at Tufts University, to explain that the internet focuses on "efficiency" and "immediacy" and influences users to think in the same manner (219).
In the above sample, notice that I took I reduced what is quoted to just what Wolf actually wrote/said. I paraphrased what Carr wrote. I don't need to refer to Carr or Wolf in the parenthesis because that information has been front loaded. Usually, essayists should provide information prior to the quote so readers are not confused all the way up to the parenthesis.
3. Not only students, but people that use social media in general, according to the University College London, “perform a skimming activity.”
According to the University College London, all social media users, not just college students, perform a “skimming activity” when reading (qtd. in Carr 217).
The correction shows that the quote was misrepresented. Always copy quotes correctly. The sentences also sounded a little bit like the essayist does not consider “students” part of the group called “people,” which is odd.
4. Often times, readers zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski” without reading more in detail.
Often times, readers zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski,” without reading more in detail (216).
People often zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski,” unable to absorb crucial details (216).
When possible, refrain from using the word “reader.” The sentence lacked a page number for the quote. Also the repetition of the words “readers” and “reading” makes the essayist seem juvenile. Elevating the diction (word choice) in that part of this sentence makes the essayist sound more professional and grown up. Notice that I added a comma to set the final phrase aside. And notice that the comma is inside the quotation mark. And even though I don’t usually want to use the word “it,” in this instance, using “it” gives the sentence some personality.
5. The fact that the entire medium’s style comprised of shortened articles, capsule summaries, and easy to brows headlines, sadly, only reinforces this behavior.
First of all, the word “browse” is misspelled. Your spell checker will not catch misspelled words if the misspelling results in another word. Have someone else read over your paper, to help you catch these little errors. The use of the word “sadly” adds opinion. Judgment language should show up gently throughout your work, without becoming ridiculous. Some of the words come from the article, but authors don’t own general terminology. The essayist did not quote an author, he/she used the same terminology. It also doesn’t appear as if these words were coined by an author, so I wouldn’t expect quotation marks. I do expect a page number for this paraphrase.
The fact that the entire medium’s style is comprised of abridged articles, capsule summaries, and easily browsed headlines, sadly, only reinforces this behavior (219).
In the sample below, I added dashes to set aside the terminology that came from page 219. Doing so adds clarity and emphasizes the terms that were borrowed from the piece.
In fact, the structure of the medium—shortened articles, capsule summaries, and easily browsed headlines—sadly, only reinforces this behavior (219).
I thought that more needed to be added to that last comment, so when I reread that section from page 219, I brought Tom Bodkin into the paragraph. Notice I provide his credentials, which gives him credibility.
As a matter of fact, when the design director of The New York Times, Tom Bodkin, led the charge for this exact type of change, he wanted to save people from the “less efficient” process of having to read an entire article (qtd. in Carr 219).
Next, you will find the original paragraph and the revision. Read them both again to get a feel for how the flow has been improved.
Also, note that there are quite a number of quotes from various places in the Carr article and the paragraph is nearly devoid of reflection and analysis from the essayist. Therefore, please understand that I am not recommending this paragraph; I am simply giving you a sample of editing. Writers should provide their own voice to the discussion.
Notice also the length of the paragraphs. The first one is way too short. It almost reads like a set of bullet points. The revision is also short because I did not add reflection and analysis. If a quote is significant enough for you to pull it from a source to use in your paper, you must surely have something to say about it. If not, you have probably pulled the wrong quote.
It is true that social media has negatively affected our ability to concentrate. The internet, as Maryanne Wolf explains, is a medium that “puts efficiency and immediacy above all else” influence its users to think in the same manner. Not only students, but people that use social media in general, according to the University College London, “perform a skimming activity.” Often times, readers zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski” without reading more in detail. The fact that the entire medium’s style comprised of shortened articles, capsule summaries, and easy to brows headlines, sadly, only reinforces this behavior.
Truly, social media negatively affects people’s ability to concentrate. Carr relies on author Maryanne Wolf, a developmental psychologist at Tufts University, to explain that the internet “puts ‘efficiency’ and ‘immediacy’ above all else” and influences users to think in the same manner (219). According to the University College London, all social media users, not just college students, perform a “skimming activity” when reading (qtd. in Carr 217). People often zoom through content, as Carr puts it, “like a guy on a jet ski,” unable to absorb crucial details (216). In fact, the structure of the medium—shortened articles, capsule summaries, and easily browsed headlines—sadly, only reinforces this behavior. As a matter of fact, when the design director of The New York Times, Tom Bodkin, led the charge for this exact type of change, he wanted to save people from the “less efficient” process of having to read an entire article (qtd. in Carr 219).