AVOIDING BABYISH DICTION
The expression Baby Words exemplifies its very nature. I should say immature diction.
Nonetheless, essayists must demonstrate a sophisticated command of the English lexicon (language), especially in formal writing. Colloquial (conversational) language and perhaps sometimes even slang are acceptable in informal writing. Learning to write in a formal style also improves informal writing because essayists become more aware of word choice.
I will provide some examples of immature diction. My list is not exhaustive.
Also, please understand that you do not have to chew up a thesaurus to try to stump the teacher when writing an essay. More elevated diction does not mean incomprehensible to a reasonably educated person. Going to that extreme makes you sound pompous. Plus, all synonyms are not equal. Some have nuances of meaning that might make your sentence sound strange or damage the meaning you intend to express. I actually enjoy exposure to new words and will look up ones with which I am unfamiliar; however, if I am driven to the dictionary constantly, a student has misunderstood my expectations. Remember that my examples of improved diction and syntax that we go over when practicing editing do not always involve words you do not know.
AVOID "TO BE" VERBS:
am, are, is, was, were
"TO BE" -- Present Tense
1st person: I am We are
2nd person You are
3rd person He/she/it is They are
Singular Plural
Therefore, avoid am, are, and is.
"TO BE" -- Past Tense
1st person: I was We were
2nd person You were
3rd person He/she/it was They were
Singular Plural
Therefore, avoid was and were.
Click here for suggestions on editing out "to-be" verbs.
Here is a simple fix to a common use of "is" or "was":
Stella thinks David is kind.
Stella considers David kind.
Bobby thinks his teacher is nice.
Bobby considers his teacher nice.
Sheila thought her brother was rude.
Sheila considered her brother rude.
AVOID INFORMAL PRONOUNS:
First- and second-person pronouns are informal. See the conjugation chart above.
I, me, my, myself, mine, we, us, our, ours, ourselves, you, your, yours, yourself
AVOID CONTRACTIONS:
"Don't use them!" should be "Do not use them!"
AVOID SECOND-GRADE WORDS:
A lot (especially misspelled as alot), very, and really are the worst offenders.
But also stop using these words: pretty (as in "pretty smart"), many, much, more, big, small, get, got, had, has, nice, thing (something, anything, everything), etc.
AVOID "DUE TO":
Use either "because of" or simply "because" instead, depending upon the sentence.
AVOID STARTING A SENTENCE WITH DEMONSTRATIVES:
For the most part, do not begin a sentence with this, that, these, those.
Notice the vagueness in each sample:
This is true. She did not need extra help. <-- What is true?
Instead, try this: Truly, she did not need extra help.
This shows that Sheila is very capable. <-- What shows her capability?
Instead, try this: Sheila's project demonstrates her strong capability.
Or try this: The outcome demonstrates Sheila's strong capability.
AVOID THE WORD "IT":
The vagueness of this pronoun usually indicates a need for reconstructing the sentence or perhaps even combining sentences.
Scout had great family loyalty. But it did not always serve her well because of her equally intense temper.
Since the word "it" represents "loyalty," this is redundant.
Instead, try something like this:
Scout's great family loyalty did not always serve her well because of her equally intense temper.
She refused to do her homework. She thought it was a waste of time.
Since the word "it" represents "homework," this is redundant.
Instead, try something like this:
She refused to waste time on the boring homework.
When you begin a sentence with "it," consider this easy improvement:
It is certain that she will not agree to come.
Certainly, she will not agree to come.
It is apparent that David hates mushrooms.
Apparently, David hates mushrooms.
It is true that failing to follow directions damages grades and impedes learning.
Truly, failing to follow directions damages grades and impedes learning.
Notice how editing tends to make sentences shorter. Good editing removes superfluous language.
THE REPRIEVE
Understand that you do not need to create a paper completely devoid of "it" or "to be" verbs. Their limited use in an essay composed largely with mature diction is acceptable. Consider every use of "it" or a "to be" verb a white flag telling you to check the sentence for a possible improvement. Notice, for example, that I have used "to be" verbs on this page. Did my diction appear childish?
THE CAVEAT
Sometimes, editing out "it" and "to be" verbs can make a sentence cumbersome or strange. If a paragraph focusses on a specific item and, therefore, the name for the item will be used repeatedly, slipping in an "it" might help with another foible: repetitive diction.
AVOID REPETITIOUS EXPRESSIONS OF INCREASE OR DECREASE:
Her health grew worse and worse.
Her health steadily declined.
Her health continued to deteriorate.
Her health constantly worsened.
His attitude became better and better.
His attitude became increasingly better.
His attitude kept improving.
His attitude continued to advance.
She worked harder and harder.
She worked ever harder.
Her effort grew.
Her effort kept developing.
He would try harder and harder.
He constantly tried harder.
His degree of effort kept growing.
His effort steadily increased.
She did more and more work.
She continued to get more work done.
She continued to complete more work.
Her volume of work constantly increased.
Do not confuse baby words with coordinating conjunctions: and, or, nor, for, so, but, yet. I understand that people sometimes consider coordinating conjunctions babyish. Although more grown-up ways of expressing these words exist, I have no problem with coordinating conjunctions. Do try, however, to mix up your choices. Instead of writing "but" constantly, use "however," "still," "yet," "nonetheless," "nevertheless," "on the contrary," "notwithstanding," "in spite of," "rather," "although," "at the same time," "conversely," or some other workable choice.
Nonetheless, essayists must demonstrate a sophisticated command of the English lexicon (language), especially in formal writing. Colloquial (conversational) language and perhaps sometimes even slang are acceptable in informal writing. Learning to write in a formal style also improves informal writing because essayists become more aware of word choice.
I will provide some examples of immature diction. My list is not exhaustive.
Also, please understand that you do not have to chew up a thesaurus to try to stump the teacher when writing an essay. More elevated diction does not mean incomprehensible to a reasonably educated person. Going to that extreme makes you sound pompous. Plus, all synonyms are not equal. Some have nuances of meaning that might make your sentence sound strange or damage the meaning you intend to express. I actually enjoy exposure to new words and will look up ones with which I am unfamiliar; however, if I am driven to the dictionary constantly, a student has misunderstood my expectations. Remember that my examples of improved diction and syntax that we go over when practicing editing do not always involve words you do not know.
AVOID "TO BE" VERBS:
am, are, is, was, were
"TO BE" -- Present Tense
1st person: I am We are
2nd person You are
3rd person He/she/it is They are
Singular Plural
Therefore, avoid am, are, and is.
"TO BE" -- Past Tense
1st person: I was We were
2nd person You were
3rd person He/she/it was They were
Singular Plural
Therefore, avoid was and were.
Click here for suggestions on editing out "to-be" verbs.
Here is a simple fix to a common use of "is" or "was":
Stella thinks David is kind.
Stella considers David kind.
Bobby thinks his teacher is nice.
Bobby considers his teacher nice.
Sheila thought her brother was rude.
Sheila considered her brother rude.
AVOID INFORMAL PRONOUNS:
First- and second-person pronouns are informal. See the conjugation chart above.
I, me, my, myself, mine, we, us, our, ours, ourselves, you, your, yours, yourself
AVOID CONTRACTIONS:
"Don't use them!" should be "Do not use them!"
AVOID SECOND-GRADE WORDS:
A lot (especially misspelled as alot), very, and really are the worst offenders.
But also stop using these words: pretty (as in "pretty smart"), many, much, more, big, small, get, got, had, has, nice, thing (something, anything, everything), etc.
AVOID "DUE TO":
Use either "because of" or simply "because" instead, depending upon the sentence.
AVOID STARTING A SENTENCE WITH DEMONSTRATIVES:
For the most part, do not begin a sentence with this, that, these, those.
Notice the vagueness in each sample:
This is true. She did not need extra help. <-- What is true?
Instead, try this: Truly, she did not need extra help.
This shows that Sheila is very capable. <-- What shows her capability?
Instead, try this: Sheila's project demonstrates her strong capability.
Or try this: The outcome demonstrates Sheila's strong capability.
AVOID THE WORD "IT":
The vagueness of this pronoun usually indicates a need for reconstructing the sentence or perhaps even combining sentences.
Scout had great family loyalty. But it did not always serve her well because of her equally intense temper.
Since the word "it" represents "loyalty," this is redundant.
Instead, try something like this:
Scout's great family loyalty did not always serve her well because of her equally intense temper.
She refused to do her homework. She thought it was a waste of time.
Since the word "it" represents "homework," this is redundant.
Instead, try something like this:
She refused to waste time on the boring homework.
When you begin a sentence with "it," consider this easy improvement:
It is certain that she will not agree to come.
Certainly, she will not agree to come.
It is apparent that David hates mushrooms.
Apparently, David hates mushrooms.
It is true that failing to follow directions damages grades and impedes learning.
Truly, failing to follow directions damages grades and impedes learning.
Notice how editing tends to make sentences shorter. Good editing removes superfluous language.
THE REPRIEVE
Understand that you do not need to create a paper completely devoid of "it" or "to be" verbs. Their limited use in an essay composed largely with mature diction is acceptable. Consider every use of "it" or a "to be" verb a white flag telling you to check the sentence for a possible improvement. Notice, for example, that I have used "to be" verbs on this page. Did my diction appear childish?
THE CAVEAT
Sometimes, editing out "it" and "to be" verbs can make a sentence cumbersome or strange. If a paragraph focusses on a specific item and, therefore, the name for the item will be used repeatedly, slipping in an "it" might help with another foible: repetitive diction.
AVOID REPETITIOUS EXPRESSIONS OF INCREASE OR DECREASE:
Her health grew worse and worse.
Her health steadily declined.
Her health continued to deteriorate.
Her health constantly worsened.
His attitude became better and better.
His attitude became increasingly better.
His attitude kept improving.
His attitude continued to advance.
She worked harder and harder.
She worked ever harder.
Her effort grew.
Her effort kept developing.
He would try harder and harder.
He constantly tried harder.
His degree of effort kept growing.
His effort steadily increased.
She did more and more work.
She continued to get more work done.
She continued to complete more work.
Her volume of work constantly increased.
Do not confuse baby words with coordinating conjunctions: and, or, nor, for, so, but, yet. I understand that people sometimes consider coordinating conjunctions babyish. Although more grown-up ways of expressing these words exist, I have no problem with coordinating conjunctions. Do try, however, to mix up your choices. Instead of writing "but" constantly, use "however," "still," "yet," "nonetheless," "nevertheless," "on the contrary," "notwithstanding," "in spite of," "rather," "although," "at the same time," "conversely," or some other workable choice.